Feeling Joyful to Discover Healing in Nature Where I Never Expected

When I left Riyadh to embark on a six-week vacation to my home in Panama, I set an intention to go on a healing hike, my soul longing for the abundance nature after fourteen months of confinement in the desert. I had my heart set on a day trip to Elle Valle, a lush area just a forty-five-minute drive away.

The morning of the hike I packed a bag with everything I would need, including my diabetic emergency kit, journal, and camera. I dressed in my sturdy walking shoes and donned a hat, then lathered on sunscreen. All that was left to do was prepare a picnic lunch, along with two water bottles full to the brim with ice-cold water for Mister and I. 

We’ve driven up the picturesque hillside many times before, so I had a clear vision in my mind of what to expect. I forgot that my visits before had been during rainy season or at the very beginning of the dry. This time, the six months of dry season had just ended. Instead of lush green fields and a canopy of dark green jungle foliage, the view was of dry, parched grass and thirsty trees, many still awaiting the bud of new leaves. I felt deflated, but still optimistic.

Our destination was a trail with a waterfall we’d never been to before, Chorro Las Mozas. Trip Advisor gave it a 4.7, and one of the locals told us it was muy bonita. Our Ford truck bumped and lurched along the pot-hole covered gravel road. We followed the wooden signs by the side of the road, ditching Google maps to go old-school. Soon we were approaching the gates, where there was a sign listing all the Covid precautions we needed to take to enter. Two Panamanian women sat at a wooden table, masks over their faces, to collect the $2 USD entrance fee. “Buenas Dias y Bienvenido.”

Mister parked in an area designated for vehicles. He grabbed the good camera bag and I my stash of sugar and off we went. A quaint creek trickled amongst the black rock and soon we came upon a small cascade. It was pretty enough, yet I felt disappointed. Where were the bright flowers and multiple species of exotic birds? Where were the quick-footed iguanas and fragrant banana trees? The terrain was slippery and rugged, with sharp drops now and again, but we foraged on, hoping to discover the nature I was yearning for just around the next bend. But when we came to a spot with felled tree stumps and a sign that read Dangerous Area, I conceded defeat and asked Mister if he would mind if we retraced our steps back to the truck.

By the time we returned it was almost noon and we were both hungry after our sweaty exertions. We retrieved our picnic and walked down the slight incline, then spread our towels out on the dry rocks next to the stream. While munching on cheese and crackers, almonds and fresh local pineapple, a few butterflies appeared, unremarkable with their brown camouflage top wings, but then stunning bright blue revealed underneath. A couple of tiny soft yellow butterflies darted about too. The sun filtered through the spaces between the trees and birds chirped merrily out-of-sight, but still my spirit was searching for something more.

We drove back home in contemplative silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I recognized a familiar feeling, of expectations biting me in the ass. I felt judgement towards myself, for being an uptight cyborg, unable to relax into discomfort and embrace the healing. I allowed myself a few tears, then tucked my disappointment away to focus on the exciting task of preparing our guest room for our daughter who was flying in from Toronto to join us in a few days.

One morning after her arrival, the three of us set out on a brisk walk around the compound for some exercise. Feeling warmed up and ready for a good stretch, I rolled out my yoga mat on the tiles of our backyard patio. Mister helped me set up one of my yoga music playlists on our Sonos speaker system and I began my practice.

I was standing in tree pose, facing the mirror that reflected back to me the beautiful plants along our back wall, when the feeling I’d been searching for on our hike hit me in a wave of euphoria. I smiled at myself and winked, my arms stretched out like two branches. What I craving was right in front of me all along. It wasn’t the wild, uncontained nature of the jungle that my heart was calling me to, it was the peaceful tranquility of the space Mister and I created, in the secluded privacy of our own back yard. I laughed at my ability to be so unaware, fifty-five, and still so much to learn. I have come along on my self-acceptance journey, but clearly, there is still a long way to go.

So yeah, I’m feeling joyful to discover healing in nature where I never expected.

*To hear more stories about healing, tune in on Friday, April 23 to the OC Publishing Facebook page for the official launch interview for The Healing at 5:00 pm EST*

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