Feeling Passionate About Creating Healthy Relationships
Photo credit: Kateryna Hliznitsova
“I think you’ve always trusted your heart and followed your intuition, so if you take some time to be still and listen, the answers will be revealed to you.” ~ From The Rogue Scorpion
My theme for October is creating healthy relationships. It is my belief that the foundation for everything in life is rooted in our spiritual connection to the Divine. I believe God created us to be magnificent, to shine our light as brightly as possible, and to do this, we must nurture our relationship with ourself. In the Bible, it says to love your neighbour as you love yourself. Loving yourself must therefore be the starting point.
Unfortunately, many of us fall into the traps of negativity, that distract us from becoming our fullest and best versions. We complain about our circumstances, our physical appearances and our lots in life. We put ourselves down for not being perfect, for not accomplishing as much as we hoped we would, and for making mistakes. This kind of thinking is so destructive. It doesn’t serve us and it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It will undo our efforts at creating a healthy relationship with ourselves.
That’s why I’m committed to quieting those critical voices that pop up inside my head. I’m mindful of my own thoughts, but I’m also discerning about whose opinions I allow into my circle of influence. I’m not unsusceptible to the lure of gossip, or to the draw of the news and media reports about the state of the world, but I try to steer clear of people and platforms that have dismal views. I recognize how important it is to consciously choose the kind of energy you emanate, as well as receive. Building healthy relationships with others starts with selecting the kind of people you want in your life; the ones who lift you up and inspire you.
Ted Talks can be sources of information and inspiration as you quest towards these goals. They usually have a positive spin, and Ted presenters are often uplifting, positive people with strong messages worth listening to. For this month’s theme on creating healthy relationships, I scrolled through Ted titles and found three that contained a few ideas worth sharing.
In David Brook’s presentation, The Lies Our Culture Tells Us About What Matters —and a Better Way to Live, he opens with a quote from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin:
“Love itself is whatever is leftover when being in love is burned away. And this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it. We had roots that grew towards each other underground and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches, we discovered that we are one tree, not two.”
This excerpt from the book, written by Louis de Bernières, highlights how our hearts yearn for fusion with another. We may find happiness in pursuits of the self, but our joy is derived from our relationships. This has certainly been my experience.
Whether I’ve been in the right space to acknowledge it or not, my heart searches for fusion with others. I learned what unhealthy relationship with a partner looks like before I discovered true love. I had to wait until the ripe age of forty-five to find who I like to call my Noah’s ark partner. It was well worth it, but I hope to inspire young people to make healthier choices, earlier. Part of that wisdom is getting to know and love yourself really well first and then to hold high expectations. Don’t settle and never accept disrespectful behavior.
The second Ted Talk I drew inspiration from was Robert Waldinger’s, What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness. The research didn’t reveal anything I hadn’t already suspected, but it did add some beautiful layers.
After studying 724 men over a period of seventy-five years, the Harvard study came to several powerful conclusions:
1. Social connections are good for us while loneliness kills.
2. It’s the quality of your close relationships that matter.
3. Good relationships protect our bodies and our brains.
What blew my socks off, was that good relationships were the single most important determiner of physical and mental health, as well as longevity. The men in the study who were satisfied in their relationships at age fifty were healthier at eighty than their unsatisfied counterparts. It wasn’t fame, money, work or achievement that determined their feeling of success, it was the quality of their relationships. Family feuds were shown to take a terrible toll on people, while unconditional love and support from family gave them strength to endure hard times.
While good relationships are life affirming, Katie Hood tackled the difficult subject of how unhealthy relationships create the opposite. In her presentation, The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Love, Katie educates people on the signs that can point to a relationship becoming abusive. With statistics showing that between one and three women and one in four men experience partner abuse, and fueled by the senseless death of a young woman who lost her life by spousal violence, Katie shared some possible signs:
1. Intensity
2. Isolation
3. Extreme jealousy
4. Belittling
5. Volatility
Something that really stood out for me was Katie’s statement about feeling it in your gut, and listening to that feeling. I really wish that was something I was taught. From my current space of spiritual wisdom, I believe that feeling in your gut is God whispering to you, warning you when danger is near. When I look back at my life, there were countless times I ignored those niggling feelings. I brushed them off, or listened when other people told me I was too sensitive. I dismissed my intuitions as figments of my active imagination.
I have to live with the consequences of some of my earlier decisions. There have been hard, extremely painful lessons to learn. Yet, I can’t undo the past and you can’t know what you don’t know. So instead of beating myself up about my mistakes, I choose to be compassionate to my younger, more naïve and less-discerning self. I choose to move forward differently.
A healthy relationship with yourself is affirming, positive, and loving. A healthy relationship with others requires open communication, mutual respect, kindness and patience. Understand what the bar should be, for how you should be treated, and don’t lower it. The ability to love ourselves and each other better is a skill we can all build on and improve.
So yeah, I’m feeling passionate about creating healthy relationships.
COMING UP…
Books & Projects:
· All four of my books are available online at Amazon, Chapters-Indigo and Barnes & Noble. You can also find them at select Chapters-Indigo and El Hombre de la Mancha bookstores.
· I just finished writing my fifth literary fiction, a psychological drama that explores the complexities of mental illness and trauma. Stay in touch by signing up for my blog or following me on social media to find out when it will be published.
Reviews & Interviews:
· You can choose from a large selection of reviews and interviews on my website.
Events:
· There are no events currently scheduled in my calendar.
YouTube Channel:
· Watch The Rogue Scorpion trailer.
· Watch The Holding trailer.
· Watch The Healing trailer.