Beauty for Ashes
Photo Credit: Aaron Burden
“The symbolic language of the crucifixion is the death of the old paradigm; resurrection is a leap into a whole new way of thinking.” ~ Deepak Chopra
Today is Good Friday, the first day of Easter weekend and the anniversary of Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection. Christ showed through his example how to transform suffering through faith. He demonstrated that what may seem to be dead and gone forever is really only temporary. His life was a testimony to the eternal and cyclical nature of life. The resurrection couldn’t happen without the crucifixion; they are intertwined and inseparable. They are one.
The New Testament accounts of how Jesus Christ lived and the messages he spoke inspired a whole new way of thinking. Jesus defied the laws of the day to perform miracles. He lived in harmony and acceptance of outliers and the downtrodden. In today’s musing blog, I’m exploring how the crucifixion and resurrection symbolism bring insight into events in my life, when one door has closed and another has opened. When suffering has been transformed, beauty for ashes.
Three stories stand out for me that show how suffering can be transformed. The first is how the challenges that led to a divorce from my first husband opened the door for me to meet my true love. The second is how the pain of losing my relationship with my oldest daughter and grandson was softened by the closeness I share with two of my children and my excitement for a new grandson on the way. The third is how health challenges have led to me to a deeper faith and appreciation of life. I rarely take anything in life for granted any more.
I was only nineteen when I started dating my first husband. A single mother, I felt vulnerable and looked down upon. I had niggling feelings, warnings and red flags not to trust him, but I ignored them. What I thought was a sign from God, that he was the one, was really just my insecurities and fears creating a story for me so I could convince myself everything would be okay. I endured twenty-six years in an abusive and dysfunctional relationship before I found the courage to leave. It was a hard decision to make, so much at stake, but I never would have found the love of my life if I hadn’t closed the door on that chapter and opened the door to the next.
When fall-out from a family trauma resulted in the loss of my relationship with my oldest daughter and grandson, I thought I could never be truly happy again. I struggled with recurrent depressed states that I’d thought I’d overcome for good. I was desperate to find a solution, clinging onto hope, accepting disrespectful behaviour and breadcrumbs while yearning for the abundance of love I’d felt as her mother and his grandma. In therapy, I realized I had to let go of the past with love and forgiveness. Wallowing in the ashes wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t bring them back. I had to take solace in the gifts and blessings I have, of a healthy relationship with two of my children and a new baby grandson on the way.
My journey with health challenges has been a long one. I’ve been living with Type I, insulin-dependent diabetes for over thirty years. Five needles and lancets a day, 365 days a year. It hasn’t been easy, and yet it’s taught me so much about the importance of a healthy lifestyle and of being mindful. I appreciate the simple things and life feels like a gift, knowing that without the invention of insulin treatment in 1922 by Frederick Banting, I wouldn’t be alive.
The challenges that Mister has faced and still contends with in his battle with ulcerative colitis has been one of the hardest things either one of us has ever had to face. My recent diagnosis with breast cancer was hard to take on with everything else that was going on with me; diabetes related nerve damage in my colon creating digestive challenges and fluctuations with insulin sensitivity and resistance. Yet all the health issues combined to give both of us an opportunity to go deeper into our faith, and we took it.
I’d thought our love was already at the highest pinnacle, but the suffering we’ve endured these past two years has taken our love to a depth I never dreamt possible. Our love has transformed into a spiritual connection that brings peace and joy to our lives. We’re so grateful just to be alive and have let go of all expectations. When we wake up each morning, it feels like a gift. We smile at one another and say, “Hello you, I’m so glad you’re here.”
I look outside my window at the barren trees and take heart they’ll soon sprout fresh new leaves. I see changes afoot everywhere I look. Awareness, compassion, and understanding. Healing and reconciliation. The door to the dream of retiring in Panama may have closed, but a new door has opened here in Winnipeg. We still have a few health hurdles to jump over, but we’re focused on strengthening family relationships. A resurrection is coming, beauty for ashes.
COMING UP…
Books & Projects:
· All four of my books are available online at Amazon, Chapters-Indigo, and Barnes & Noble. You can also find them at select Chapters-Indigo and El Hombre de la Mancha bookstores.
· I am pursuing representation from a traditional publisher for my fifth literary fiction, a psychological drama that explores the complexities of mental illness and trauma. Stay in touch by signing up for my blog or following me on social media to find out when it will be published.
Reviews & Interviews:
· You can read, listen, or watch a large selection of reviews and interviews on my website.
Events:
· There are no events currently scheduled in my calendar.
YouTube Channel:
· Watch The Rogue Scorpion trailer.
· Watch The Holding trailer.
· Watch The Healing trailer.