Respectful Communication
Photo Credit: Priscilla Du Preez
“I think for any relationship to be successful, there needs to be loving communication, appreciation, and understanding.” ~ Miranda Kerr
In February’s Healthy Relationships series I’ve talked about how self-awareness and having realistic expectations are key aspects. Today I want to look at the importance of respectful communication. First we need to understand our own communication strengths and weaknesses. Then we have to learn the other’s and figure out how to conduct the exchange respectfully.
Your communication style is an aspect of self-awareness. Are you introverted or extroverted? An adept listener or a prolific talker? When you express yourself, do you struggle to find the right words? Are you more comfortable “speaking” through actions?
According to research from Southern New Hampshire University, there are four communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. Passive communicators are often fearful of speaking up, which can lead to misunderstandings. The aggressive style can be judgmental and inflexible, creating hostility. If you’re passive-aggressive, you might withhold how you feel, causing confusion and resentment. Assertive communication is confident and promotes healthy connections.
In my experience, most people use all four at various times, with different people, but have one that is prominent. It's vital to be honest when considering which style best describes you. These styles are often learned habits that can be changed with effort and a positive mindset.
When I was in university in the mid 1980s earning a degree in education, the importance of teachers understanding communication was well understood. We were required to take courses on communication, but it took years of hands-on practice. I made it a priority to spend the first month of each school year getting to know each child as an individual, including their communication style and how they fit inside the complex dynamic of the classroom.
Interpersonal communication includes other factors, such as cultural conventions, gender and social roles, emotions, and perceptions. The history we share with people plays a huge part too. Arguments and misunderstandings based on past situations can creep into the present and change how we receive communication. When we’re triggered, we can revert back to immature responses from our childhood. As a teacher, I was usually assertive, but in my first marriage, I was often intimidated by his aggressive style and became passive.
The Ted-Ed video on communication by Katherine Hampton provides a quick and helpful summary that might spark your curiosity to learn more about what respectful communication looks like. It addresses the complexity of our interactions and presents helpful information on things like our perceptual filters and personal connotations of words. It identifies four key points: being an active listener, trusting your gut, slowing it down, and being self-aware.
We’re all going to screw up sometimes, even with the best of intentions. But if we acknowledge our mistakes, we create an opportunity for forgiveness. When we’re willing to be vulnerable, other people feel more comfortable being open too. When we understand communication breakdown can be a misperception, it’s easier not to take feedback personally.
I used to be so motivated and excited to share all the ideas swimming around in my head, I would monopolize conversations and interrupt others without even realizing it. Clearly not very respectful. I still do this sometimes, but my commitment to learning how to be a better listener and practice self-awareness has made a huge difference.
For me, respectful communication means listening and responding without judgment. It means accepting what the person tells you is their truth, even when you disagree. Sometimes we have to put aside what we want if we value staying connected. What about you? Do you have a strength you can use to build your skill set and learn how to be better at respectful communication?
I hope today’s blog has your brain ticking and your heart feeling. Stay tuned next week for the last blog in February’s Relationship series on healthy boundaries.
COMING UP…
Books & Projects:
· All four of my books are available online at Amazon, Chapters-Indigo, and Barnes & Noble. You can also find them at select Chapters-Indigo and El Hombre de la Mancha bookstores.
· I am pursuing representation from a traditional publisher for my fifth literary fiction, a psychological drama that explores the complexities of mental illness and trauma. Stay in touch by signing up for my blog or following me on social media to find out when it will be published.
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YouTube Channel:
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· Watch The Holding trailer.
· Watch The Healing trailer.